Couple bickering would make it possible to live longer

Updated April 2012 - Notice to those who idealize non-conflictual love relationships: repressing anger can shorten the longevity of spouses!

According to a surprising 2008 study1 of 192 couples in a small town in Michigan, U.S.A., the risk of dying is higher for couples who suppress anger and avoid conflict.

This conclusion is the result of 17 years of observations in which couples were classified according to the attitudes demonstrated by the spouses in conflict situations.

Among the 26 couples with partners who avoided conflict or had little communication, both spouses were four times more likely to die prematurely than those in which at least one spouse regularly expressed anger.

Specifically, 23 per cent of "non-conflictual" couples had both spouses die in the course of the study, compared with 6 per cent of other couples. Similarly, 27% of "non-conflict" couples lost a spouse, compared with 19% of other couples. These results persisted even after controlling for other risk factors for death.

Differences between men and women

During the same period (from 1971 to 1988), 35% of men in couples where there was a lack of strong verbal exchanges died, compared to 17% of men in other couples. Among women, 17% living in a couple with no conflict died, compared with 7%.

According to the author of the study, conflict resolution in couples is a public health issue because by repressing it, anger adds to other sources of stress and contributes to shortening life.

Because conflict is inevitable, the key point is how each couple resolves it: if you don't resolve it, you're vulnerable," says Ernest Harburg, a professor of psychology at the University of Michigan.2 "Conflict is inevitable, so the key is how each couple resolves it: if you don't resolve it, you're vulnerable," says Ernest Harburg, a professor of psychology at the University of Michigan.